Okay Ondrea this one is for you.
My H and I are newbies in the adoptive parent circle. Home now 6 months we still are learning the vast differences there are to parent a child that has spent the first 14 months of her life in an institution .We have read countless books and articles on the issues of attachment.But when it comes to your own real life situation sometimes the material seems like a foreign language. Over the boy's spring break we decided to take our first overnight trip to test the waters. The trip was for one night and we stayed in a hotel. Ava's world has been so routine and predictable since we have been home that we are guessing that this change of course has caused some strange new behaviors.
The trip was great and she did really well. She was a trouper in the car. Funny how sister immediately asks for the TV to be put on even before the engine starts! She slept right next to us in her pack and play. Did really well visiting with friends, discovered her love for barbie and never once left my side. We arrived back home the next night and proclaimed the trip to be a success or was it? Since being home she has been glued to my side. If someone comes up to her and wants to hold her she come up swinging! I know this is hard to imagine from such a sweet ,tiny ladybug but sister has found her niche in this family(my hip) and is not letting go. I go to walk and she is hooked onto my leg looking up at me saying "mama up!". We are kind of taken back by her "retreat " from independence.We recognize clingy behavior as a sign of attachment issues but are not sure what to do. Since being home we have returned to our normal schedule and have returned to our "small little world".Despite things are back to normal, I still have little miss monkey hooked to my hip and I am a little worried about what she must be feeling.Is she stressed about the change in routine? Has this raised some issues with abandonment? How long does this last? And finally what can we do to help? So O, if you are out there dust off those papers on attachment and give me your two cents. And to all of my other loyal readers (Michelle!) feel free to leave your ideas as well!
Signed Momma Monkey
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2 comments:
Girl, it's normal is all I can tell you. Sometimes the slightest things (Meg going to play at a neighbors house without me, which she WANTS to do at the time) will sometimes send her into a clingy tailspin for hours or more. I would say that the behavior is classic stress! She is unsure and she is just clinging to the one thing she is sure she doesn't want to lose, and the very very good news is that it is you! So, while it is definitely looking like she has a little bit of fearful attachment, it's not a big deal because she's turning to you for comfort, which means that she is attached, she is just not 100% sure of you permanence yet. Just hold her as much as she needs it. Take your cues from her. Wear her in the baby Bjorn 24 x 7 if you have to, let her be the guide on when she's had enough. It's so hard to do, but it's the quickest way around it. And it's not to say that you can never go away for the night again, either. You can, just know what to expect and be prepared that it may give her the jitters for a while. I'd say after you've been home a year, you'll start to see that type of behavior diminish greatly.
I hope that helped!
Hey, Ariana will still raise her shoulders to her ears and make fists when she gets a cortizol rush from stress. If a bunch of kids come over, just watch it happen. I think Ana will be coping in her own way for a long time, maybe forever.
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