Okay, bare with me it has been one of those days! First off I want to say that things here have been going great. Ava is attaching wonderfully and has made such progress since coming home. We have been receiving services from ECI for about 10 months now. We do not qualify for a speech therapist through them because there is not something structurally wrong with Ava's mouth.So we have a caseworker that comes out every 2 weeks and checks on progress and offers suggestions. Our social worker suggested that we leave their program and enter a true speech pathologist program. So today we had our first visit with the speech pathologist.Ava is totally different in a strange setting . So they come out and take her in the back for an assessment...alone. Okay Bret can see the look on my face and I think it was something like shock or panic. She took Ava to her office did not have much luck on getting her to talk and then Ava took her hand and headed to the door to look for me. So then they headed to the waiting room and got Dad and I to go in with her. I think at that point I started to breath again. (Yes I think that I stopped breathing when they took her back.) It is so difficult to explain to someone that this child that she is seeing is not the same child that we see everyday. Ava was a bit overwhelmed and at one point crawled up in my lap and buried her face into my chest.She was like a doodlebug in my lap.I have had my baby with me for 1 year now and I know her as well as I know myself. You know that gift that God gives every mother.Well he has given me Ava's map and I know it well. Ava got in that room ran around like she was in overdrive and made no eye contact. It was like she was crazy. We have been home for 1 year this week and I have stayed home with her. She has found this home to be her sanctuary and in many ways it has been the same for me. The Speech therapist then let me know that she thinks Ava is ready for mother's day out. What?????? That knocked me for a loop.I then had to explain to her that Ava already had that socialization and what our #1 focus has been is attachment. I really did not feel comfortable explaining to her (the professional) the importance between attachment vs. developmental .What a stressful appointment it was and I left there questioning what the hell am I doing! Do I put her in some program for children one day a week.I know she would benefit from it socially and developmentally. Then I think what our social worker who is also an attachment therapist said when we saw her 3 weeks ago for our post placement. She said that the best thing that we have done for Ava is staying at home and keeping her world small. We have been blessed for me to be a stay at home mom. So ,the thought of dropping her off at a children's program and not having to work would stress me out maybe worse than her ! So I am left here today wondering if any of you have faced this and what you have done.
Any suggestions would be great .It is hard to be be reminded of what these precious kids have been deprive of at the beginning of their little lives.Today, I have been reminded once again of that and it really makes my heart heavy for her. I do not like days like today!
I think I will post this on my blog and see what other feed back I get . Wait I think the only other person who reads it is Kristine ,momma of that yummy peanut butter cup! Ha, Ha!Well Kristine and the gang give me your feed back!
Okay, I am going to go wash the mascara off my contacts so I do not bring home the wrong first grader!
Share the wisdom people!!!!!
"We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life. But those who make their journey home across time & miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them, are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us by God's very own hands."--- Kristi Larson